Mein aur Meri Tanhayee…! [My loneliness and me]

Series -2

Hmm…it has been a little too long a gap between my series 1 and 2. My second interest in life after music is books!!!

I started this flair also quite young! I remember, when I lived in Calcutta (now, Kolkata), I used to travel to my hometown, Salem by The Coromandel Express. These train journeys were fun and great thing to look forward.

The meal in the train, the home food packed in dubba’s (boxes) that lasted only for one meal through the entire train journey that lasts for two whole days…in the days gone by! And we had to open the dubba’s and eat the food as soon as we got in, coz they used to be so deliciously made. They were mostly of favorite stuffs such as, poori with alu sabji or tomato rice with alu fry or lemon rice with alu fry or some soft idlies with that perfect chutney or just some chapathi’s with the tomato curry……Man, even now my mouth waters thinking and writing about those delicacies.

It was great fun to manage the stuff on your lap and eat…without spilling them on to the floor of the train. Otherwise, it would be a big mess, unless somebody comes cleaning it, normally this cleaning would be done by some grown-up kids or some physically disabled person, a means of earning for them!!!

Just the thought revolts, my dad used to pay them appropriately coz, even in their plight there are people who used to walk away without doing the deed and would be perfectly able. Some lazy guy, who sought means to earn a penny by mocking an act!!!

Ok, deviating from the topic…I am talking about the habit of reading. So you know, by now, where does my scenario come from!!

On these long journeys, when I was in school and very little about in 3rd or 4th standard, I started reading the Amar Chitra Katha, Tinkle, and Panchatantra stories….!!!

I brought them for a price of Rs.5, which could buy you a lot of things. My dad used to not get those saying it might hurt my eyes…and other things. But I insisted on it and would buy them. I had two wonderful bound books of varied stories and legends….but some friend of mine flicked it from me…! Alas! I will not forget her deed, even though I forgot how she looked!!! The irony is that I lost them in Bangalore, the same Bangalore where I am right now?!

I used to get on to the train, wait for the train to leave the station and then devour on the food that we carried and hold on to the window seat and sit comfortably with the legs folded underneath my lap and open the book and read the lines….and drift into a world of my one…Kavitha in Wonderland!

I used to love the cool breeze across the face and on my hair…I still love traveling by the window seat and the breeze on my face!!! It feels like heaven!!! You can see the dry and wet lands pass by, the greenery, the forgotten lampposts, the devastated temples and buildings, the big round well in the fields and the varied trees and pathway that get you lost in to cities and towns you never know!!! The graphic representations on the books would used to come alive on those vacant spaces!!!

I developed my reading habits with these small kids’ books. Then, I slowly got into reading Tin Tin, Archies, Asterix, and various other comic books.

Slowly, I got bored with them and moved into big series books such as Edin Blyton – The Famous Five, Robert Stevenson – The Treasure Hunt, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn – Mark Twain, Charles Dickens – The Oliver Twist, and David Copperfield, and many likes!!!

I was in fifth standard when I went to watch a play - A Midsummer’s Night Dream by Shakespeare enacted by a troupe of London Artists, in a violin shaped auditorium in Bangalore(now, Bengaluru). This violin shaped auditorium is called Chowdaiah Memorial Hall. We all received an adapted version of the play in easy understandable language as a hand-out. I remember having the hand-out close to my heart locked in a cupboard for long!!!

I was surprised by the way the play was done, the curtains, the costumes, the make-up, the artists and the whole thing. I guess, I decided to do a little bit of acting myself. I had in fact shook hands with an artist and felt like a queen…as this privilege was given to very few of them!!!

I have played the role of ‘Lady Macbeth’ the main protagonist in the Shakespearean play ‘Macbeth’ during my school days. The acting stint of mine was also due to a movie, I got to see early in my life an English movie in a theatre, ‘The Sound of Music’. This movie influenced me to learn the English language in the right and proper sense!!!

I was very much impressed by the play and fell in love with Shakespeare as well!!!(Still do). I started reading his adapted versions of his plays by various authors…!! Plays like As You Like It, Merchant of Venice, Midsummer Nights Dream, Macbeth, Antony and Cleopatra, Twelfth Night, King Lear and The Tempest.

Thanks to being in a central board education, the best of my companion in school was my English books…they were two, one Non-detailed and another Prose and Poetry text.

The non-detailed text book had these adapted writings of the famous novels and several short stories, which were from some of the famous writers, R.K.Narayanan stories and novels, Ruskin Bonds stories, Charles Dickens, Shakespeare, and many others.

I started carrying them instead of buying novels and short stories coz, they were costly and my dad did not believe I could understand all that stuff….!!!

Then, when I slowly grew and got into college it was mostly fiction and then when I comprehended the world and the knowledge spread across the world I got into non-fiction stuff and got interested in reading books on various genres of writing.

I have read a lot of them starting with Sidney Sheldon, Robin Cook, Jeffery Archer, Arthur Hailey, Robert Ludlum, Irving Wallace, Jawaharlal Nehru (One better Indian Writer), Gandhi (the worst writer), Rabindranath Tagore, Girish Karnad, R.K Narayanan, Ruskin Bond, Ayn Rand, Sarojini Naidu, Adolf Hitler, Bernard Shaw, Benjamin Franklin, Milton, Napoleon Bonaparte, Shiv Khera, Robin Sharma, Paulo Coelho, Khaled Hosseini, Shashi Tharoor and many more……….!!!!!

End of it what, obsessed, I am obsessed with books and book stores, you end a messed up reader who goes mad after seeing a bookstore and picks up books more than you can read at one time!

Mein aur Meri Tanhayee…! [My loneliness and Me]

Series I

I am transfixed by the sentence, ‘Leave me alone’. Heard this sentence from the days of school and had even wondered what it meant, until I grew up and started confronting with my parents for all the things they asked me to do and I royally reflected back saying, “Leave me, alone…”

These ‘Leave me, alone…’ sessions were so huge that they brought in many activities that later became a latent talent inside this poor soul. These sessions were filled with soul turning music, books of all kinds, geography, history of places, writing poems, short stories, having fun and frolic, chatting with friends, pal friends, and what not. Eventually as I grew, I grew tried of many things and some basic qualities I guess, I possessed stayed back, like writing, reading and music.

Then, it used to be bliss to be alone…listening to good music lying on the bed with the lights off and surrounded by darkness, swinging to the music and enjoying the aura around you. Shutting the words of the parents too early then they start and increase the volume of the song to decibels beyond normal hearing….

Sometimes it was the Sony Walkman or the Sony CD player that used to be companion for long hours and the music used to play for hours together without any intervention when not surrounded by friends.

My grandma, if she did not find me hanging around with the player earplugs on my ears, she used to ask me sarcastically, “Yenge unnoda sevutu, machine? [Where’s your hearing aid?]”
I used to just give her long gawk and then reply angrily, “Ithu onnum sevutu machine, illa. [It isn’t my hearing aid.]”

It used to bring peace within and the surrounding…whenever it played. I used to look forward to such sessions and had great fun listening to music this way rather than play it in a big stereo system. I felt the words were clear and I found the singer close to my ears singing.

Slowly, I was addicted to music and kept listening to different genres of music. I could not be separated from music and whenever I heard a song or music, my ears would be tuned automatically to the sound and randomly scan my brain for the details of the music that is being played. My mind started to acquire data and store them at a rapid pace.

The small talent of mine, [Yes, I call it that way] got into an asset and do not know when people started asking me about the various music genres and the various songs!

I listened to a wide variety of music, chose some of my favorites among the genres, and stuck to them as mud would to water, until today. I became familiarized with not only Indian Music genres but also with International Music; I started with our very own film music. The days of Vivida Bharathi, Chaya Geeth and the Fauji Pasand were some favorite programs that brought the North Indian Film music to my ears.

Being in Tamilnadu, at an age when I could comprehend things beyond the surroundings, and myself. I was exposed to a lot of Tamil film music too. I heard and being an ardent fan of Illayaraja’s Music, listened to his music more! I belong to the period of his towering fame in Tamil film industry where eight movies out of ten that released had music scored by him.
I went on to learn more about music, but stopped after a point, as I could not understand the ragas and their usage. Nevertheless, later when more knowledge poured in I understood them! I had never been crazy about carnatic music and never bothered to listen to music from a raga’s point. I love film music and had been happy grown up listening to it. I slowly listened to ghazals, pop, reggae, disco, rock, soft, love ballads, fast love songs, love songs and listened to them all in my loneliness and they became a companion.

I was motivated to learn music one day that I joined a class of ‘Classical Hindustani’. I was baffled by it and wanted to master it. Alas, it was I, who had to travel from one place to another, this time it was my master who got transferred as her husband was supposed to join his another branch office. There went my taunt at music along with her. I was good at it and even practicsed every day at home, what she taught me. She was surprised and told me, ‘It is amazing at the pitch you are learning things.’ There I guess, the eye of warth fell on it and my venture on music remains unchanged!

Whatever said and done about the roots of the main stream music, such as Hindustani, Hindustani Classical, Carnatic, Western Classical, Western…these all fall sort some way, when it comes to Film Music of our Indian Subcontinent. Indian Film Music has almost all the elements of these various classifications in a right mix and composition!

Film music has played a varied role in our lives and still is we have seen our parents melt at the songs of their period and we at our era and the younger generation at the music of their era.

It seems to enthrall us all….be whatever the period, irrespective of it, was it SD Burman, RD Burman, Bappi Lahari, Anu Malik, Louis Banks, AR Rehaman, Harris Jayaraj, or Illayaraja. We have surrendered our hearts to all the wonderful singers of whatever the era and still feel happy to listen to them and surrender to their voice! We sometimes try to imitate them in their singing attire that we lose our own identity.

We become mad of the lyrics, the music, the voice, the joy in the song and are happy as if it was for us and only us the song sung! Our parents say their era had wonderful soul whirling music and consider their age a golden age, agreed but if I sit back and listen to our era, I feel it is not behind that distinct mark.

Yeah, now, the music is taking a significant change and have gone into more western music and western sounds, but people have changed so is the music, what say?!

Anyways, the golden era and the silver era isn’t behind and we even find many music directors who are trying to recreate the music of these eras for the young people with a dash of western sounds to it!

When a Journey comes to an End…We start a new one!!!!

Have it occurred to you that every journey we take ends at an appropriate time and then we go on as if it did exist in the past?

Same thing is called the “Process of Life” in other words. I am at the end of the road from where I can see two roads parting in the front; one is like the less traveled and the other more traveled. This reminds me of Robert Frost, ‘The Road Not Taken’.

What shall I do, should I take the road not taken and be the one who experience a lot of different aspects of life?

I am talking about my tenure in here; it is almost the fag end of my long and timely association with this organization. I joined in here with a lot of aspirations as one gets into an organization.

It has been three years and one month in here and it has been with a lot of expectations, rejections, hardships, failures, excitement, happiness, wealth and prosperity.

I have seen the every emotion of life working in here. There are a lot of disappointments and who does not want a prefect working experience.

I started off with the office in the beautiful city of Madras and had slowly been transferred to Hyderabad on requirement and haven for almost two years in Hyderabad. I have my own share of experiences here. I had been involved with several hot projects and very demanding things in the project.

I learnt some several new tools and tired to master them during the course of work and have been challenged to do work that I haven’t done before. I have worked at different locations and projects.

I have met New People, New Program Managers, New Team, Freshers, Experienced People, New Office Boys, New Attendee’s, New Locations, New Workstations, and Interacted with the VP’s. I almost have been met so much people that I had almost to acknowledge a lot of faces in the common gatherings like Fire Drills, Cafeteria, Coffee Points, Wash Rooms, Waiting for the lift, ATM’s, Passing by, and walking into the office and walking out of it.

I have also enjoyed the treasure of earning money in here. The golden days of the ‘DEPUTATION’ will certainly remain etched in my mind as long as I survive to revive it.

I have my share of regrets from this organization as well but as far I consider my tenure I feel I could have done better and there were better people around. But to be frank, is there an organization that fits ‘Picture Perfect!’

There are certain aspects of this organization to change and bring in new people…but people are people and they learn to survive.

The blog’s of this organization has given me a lot of activity and I had enjoyed being here as I long I wrote and was participative here. This sphere has given me a new dimension, enhanced my vocabulary and given me a more command over the subject that I stand united.

I make my exit with a heavy heart as this space has given me a lot of friends and emotions that are tied to my life time. I never knew there are people of the same caliber and same likes and dislikes spread across space and time.

This space has also given me the courage to do things that I haven’t attempted ever. I feel obliged to all the people who have read and commented to my work of imagination and acknowledged the might of this person as I stand - Kavitha Kumaresan.

I take leave of all the things that this organization has given me, leaving the physical entities and carrying on with the mind full of memories and anticipations for the future. I hope to meet all the friends I had here in the future too, in the same exciting forum.

This isn’t the end of road; this is just a beginning of another one!!!

Keep smiling and do good to reap the benefits of good deeds!!!

Just Wondering!!!

I just read a fellow blogger write about me....this is the second time another blogger wrote about me in the same space that we share day in and day out....!!!!

I wondered what made them write about me...Still wondering, Why?!

I feel obliged by their comments and inspirations that they bring to my soul...the hardest content on this planet is to bring a satisfaction to the inner self of a human being....leave alone the inner self of a person.

It is enough if one reader sits through your initial lines of writing. The writing has to have some kind of rhythm and life in it for it has to invoke the inner sense of living that we all correlate as the ‘I’ of ourselves.

Did I do that? By, my friends writing about me I really felt, I am that!! But the sense of accomplishment tells me, ‘Maybe you have the talent, Kavitha?!’ the other mind of mine says,

‘Hey, now come on don’t fly high. What if a certain group of people, who are in the same, like minds accepted your writing and accolade you, there are several others who might not have enough found your stuff all that edible at all….Enough I try to silent that mind of mine. In vain, it screams larger than ever.

I wonder what to do and just sit back and introspect myself…I find I am almost there to be a good reader and listener, but a writer I am a long way to do something commendable.

I feel great reading your responses about my writing, maybe I am different and maybe I am unique, but will I be there without you people…No way.

I stand in gratitude to all the people who have read my posts…and to all those people who haven’t felt worth a read!!! Coz, it makes me sharpen my talents and the more I sharp the more

I poke at you to turn back at me and at least touch my post for once!!!

Yes, have I been successful in telling a story convincingly. I guess I made a point there. I made people wait for my posts and read it. It was a challenge writing ‘A Medical Romance’…I still remember the days when I used to rack my brain for ideas, situations, thoughts, dialogues, scenes, etc to make my story convincing.

The days I try to sneak in time during my office time to churn pages of story and post it and then constantly refresh the page to read the comments….

Seeing the comments, though it was almost by the people who had been waiting for it to be posted…I liked the way they responded to my views and writing and the happenings in the story.

I had a lot of people ping me on my communicator after this story became a hit list on blog, they wanted to know what is to become the next day and it was even made them imagine what will be in the next episode….

I have to confess, here…each chapter of A Medical Romance (AMR) was written carefully and each day, with one chapter to be posted. I wrote each chapter afresh with not thinking about it except for developing the plot….someday as days went by I had to post two chapters a day and then it continued…

Till the day I started writing AMR, never had I done anything like that and never had imagined I might do something like that. I have written 31 chapters with a Prologue and an Epilogue…It was great thinking and arguing within my mind about the best of scenes and dialogues.

I will never forget the trips that I made from my home to STC by Satyam bus, full of songs and thinking and building on my story…the one and half hour journey from Kondapur to Bahadurpally gave me ample time to think, ponder and develop my story and write it on pieces of paper wherever possible…and keep it ready to translate it into a chapter and revisit it.

I used to also read out my thoughts into my mobile and record them…for later visit and translate them into words. I did all that I could in that time and that was the only time available for me to develop my story.

It was a great feeling when people out of blue dropped by the post and post their comments…I had already an audience but when I used to read comments of occasional readers that used to enthrall me to write more effectively.

It was a great experience writing for an audience and an audience who used to wait for my posts and my story was great return that I earned and will always cherish those moments in my mind till this birth. I kept talking about all of your comments till the last post and even after that to my family and friends and I felt proud and accomplished at having such a talent.

I hope to publish this story as coffee book or a fiction…day is not too far when I do that. When I see you people remember me for AMR, I feel I can do it.

Till then, will stay in my memory and feel obliged to all those readers who had made me write. I know the world outside is waiting to meet this ‘WRITER’ who writes for ‘YOU’

Signing off…in true inspirations of tomorrow!!!