I am sitting here in Hyderabad and wondering when things will come on by itself and the remaining pieces of a jigsaw puzzle fall into place and relieve me of this small unknown fear in my mind come to an end.
Don’t ask me what I am undergoing as I am not in a state to explain. But this is for sure that I am not asking for things for that are not liable to me?
As far as I see, I have been looking for some solutions in this life and have headed towards the set destination in a perfect linear line. The horizon did not feel far or near, it was there as any other sources of derivation and meditation and to it reach it, it took immense mental and physical capabilities to advance to a further step every other day.
I did not demand much from life and sailed across its course and went wherever it took me and now I am desolated on an island from where the only option left out for me is to swim across and reach the civilization and be happy.
But stranded on this shores of life I am wondering why I don’t receive a ship or a loft on which I can cling to and reach the civilization and live in harmony.
Why am I not entitled for it? Why is there so much of turbulence in me and in the surrounding? Why do I hear the words of turmoil, failures, break-ups, unkempt promises and stagnation? When will the situations clear and take me home on a cruise?
Am I asking for a cruise, NO? I am only asking for a liability that can just hold me for a few yards and sail across the tide and be in my own civilization. Is it too much that I am not able to receive anything except for such enormous Hushes and Silences that echo loud and clear in my mind and dreams?
I hear distant voices of my mind that says ask ‘HIM’, he will give you if you ask him, only you got to be true to what you are asking and it will be granted?
I wonder who is this ‘HIM’ and why should I submit to him? Why is he asking me to do all that I don’t do in any normal time and why this all suddenly? People and my mind say, ‘You ask it will be granted?’
Now, what do I ask him, I say ‘Yes to calm my mind and the people and decide enough is enough I will ask him and see what will be done?’
How do I put my hands together and ask him, ‘Please, do this for me as I am in need of it?’ Ok, if that is the way it is….Let me put my hands once together and then ask him, as I used to ask my dad, for all the ice-creams he refused to buy, the dresses that he said, ‘No it won’t suit you’, for the guys who said, ‘No, to my proposal’ and my dad, said ‘He isn’t worth of you?’ and so on.
I never knew I can perfect this art of praying, but as the theory of science goes, believe and that will make a difference to whatever you have. I am reinstating my belief.
Here, is my piece of my prayer for ‘You’:
I am standing here at your doorsteps asking for my little worries of my mind to vanish and give me the sight of the civilization that I long for. This isn’t the first time I have asked you for all this, I have many a times turned to you in despair and invite you to show me the path as you have always done till date. Yet I turn to you one more time, God, you are the source and the derived path. Please help me endure this and make me come to the much awaited civilization of life. Amen!!
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